What should we do for the 90-year-old couple?

The other day, my quilting friend told me the family of the Haiku master is not doing well. She lives in the same neighborhood where our Haiku master lives. The Haiku master and her husband are almost 90 years old. They live with their son. 

According to my quilting friend, the family is in trouble with shopping since the master is not able to drive, so the church and the neighbors sometimes provide them food. The son in the family is apparently not helpful for them. The almost 90-year-old husband was shoveling the thick snow because the son doesn't do it.

I have never discussed with my quilting friend that I am a member of the Haiku group and about the Haiku master before. She probably thought I would know the master since we both are Japanese. I am really not familiar with the family since I have seen the Haiku master less than 5 times at the Haiku meetings, where no private matter is discussed; only seen the husband once, never seen their son.  

When I was asked by my quilting friend, I didn't have much idea of what she was talking about. From her story, I thought it was not good, so, I asked the members of the Haiku group about it. There are three members who periodically check how the family is doing, but they thought they were doing fine; especially, they have their son living together. We all got in shock with the "unknown fact." Maybe, they don't want to share the problem with us as Japanese culture doesn't favor discussing family problems with others.

We started to discuss what we can/should do for them. It turned out the members really don't know well about the son, and we thought he may be mistreating the couple. We had emailed back and forth for two days, thinking it may be the time to contact the family's other son who lives in WA, but nobody knew even his correct name (well, we eventually found his Facebook page.)

The next day, N from the group visited them with some food. N is the most familiar one with the family. After having about 30 min conversations with the couple and the son together, she concluded they are fine as she initially thought. However, K in the group said she can rather believe what my quilting friend said. Well, the couple is nearly 90-year-old, anyway. So, T and I (me) went to visit them to check and have lunch. Luckily, we were able to have the son together.

After all, we concluded they are fine. The son naturally showed decent care and physical help for his parents; he is just a very introverted and shy person. So, if something happens, he will take care of them. The husband has a dominant personality, so he probably declined the son's offer to help with the snow shovel. 

I was so surprised when the husband asked me "How is R?" OH, he remembered my husband's name!? It has been two years since I met him and talked about my husband. Because of the Covid pandemic, we hadn't gotten together for two years. I thought the couple wouldn't even remember me. Well, they are mentally okay, too.

The home is decently cleaned including the kitchen and dining. The inside of the refrigerator & freezer & pantry are normal as well (Sorry, but we had to check it!) They had leftovers from cooked meals, which means they are cooking. 

Before checking on the family, we thought it necessary to contact the other son, but then, we started to question "do we really need to get into such a private issue?" Probably not. If we were asked, yes. We can help them to the extent without interfering with our lives, but we can't do more than that. We really shouldn't go into their privacy. After this incident, we decided to take her out for tea every month. We used to get together for Haiku meetings, but she is too old to make haiku anymore.

There are many elder couples and single elders living without their son/daughter in a community. I am still in my early 50s, but I will be one of them someday. I don't have any children and R is much older than me. R is a very healthy man, with regular exercise, organic food, no smoke, no alcohol, no medications. But I never know what will happen tomorrow. It really scares me a lot.

Anyway, we are glad the Haiku master is doing fine :)